the effects of stress...need i say more?

heh. i was in school today -- nope there's nothing wrong with the date...
thanks Ela and LCH for the company. we're the official gatecrashers now...the pizza hut was nice (esp the beefballs).

you know, i don't know if i should be happy. so far it's happened a couple of times since this part of my education life (or lack of it) started...everytime i start to feel VERY demoralised, the feeling never lasts cos i'll be greeted with the last test/quiz i took in which i didn't do as bad as i imagined. the renewed hope really does help...

like today...my maths (esp integration) has always been hopeless (something i never fail to readily admit) and it's really been a crap-filled week given that i couldn't do a single qestion in my tutorials - wonder if anyone even experiences this anymore it feels TERRIBLE. last week, when i did the maths quiz, i just sat back, relaxed and tried whatever i could (no expectations, just tried everything i could) and it paid off. probably teaches me how i should not overly push myself, just try my best (but this has yet been completely tested and proven). and today i was shown my A-. i never dreamt that i would see this grade for MATHS. it's been a REALLY long time trust me...probably since primary school.

and the constant thought popping into my brain is has what msT and a few others said to me a couple of years ago really came true? that uni would be the part of my life that i would eventually peak. cos it suits my style of learning. i still have my doubts cos honestly, i haven't been mugging THAT hard (or motivated to mug that hard)...in fact i can watch more hours of TV than study each day...on somedays i don't even look at my work. it simply just isn't me...call me naturally lazy i guess.

anyways i sincerely hope she's right...and that next year, i can get good enough grades to go for an exchange program in the States, and maybe even at the end of this 4 years, MIT will greet my with open doors...a $100 000-scholarship is something i would never have dreamt about before and now, i still don't have the courage to cos i'm afraid of the disappointment that might come but it stands in my mind as a possibility unlike in the past where the probablity of that chance = 0. (like in sec2, that was what i thought about taking 3 pure?) hopefully the good stuff i see now is a result of me doing something right rather than luck (or other things along those lines) and this motivation would last me thru this part of my life. of course i definitely hope msT and the rest were right.

i still hold my doubts for the exams coming up...esp maths where i really have limited confidence. maybe the will to try will help me though i haven't exactly started trying. wonder what stunt i'm going to pull over this 4 days before the exams officially start.

and one more thing i surely must say is about my tutorial group. B12 has been SO helpful to me no one can imagine. i've never met people so nice in my life. every little problem i have they'll solve for me so enthusiastically. sometimes i even feel bad they have to help me so much cos i wonder if i've even tried that hard in the first place. and i must also mention GOLDBAR who even thought probably doesn't know me...woah he really gave me that shot of confidence and made me realise it's possible. i really respect his philosophy behind teaching...regardless of whether i make it or not, i'm really thankful to these people.

sigh...now just gotta focus on the target ahead and look forward to our TG outing on the 25th. but first, CSI starts at 3am so...yeah...going off now.

i simply love the weather. it puts me to sleep...oh like i need more sleep at this crucial period of time. look at the time. i slept at 11:30pm and woke up like just...or maybe 3am. need to do 2 tutorials for tomorrow's session...don't want flor to kill me rite? sighs.

today's last physics tutorial was nice. haha FFY had "something on" so...we had GOLDBARS instead? (oh gosh,the names we think of). he's a darn cool guy...as everyone went "oh so cute" haha, guess we now have a new fav prof. haha! he's a nice guy though...offered to help me with my stupid ppt problems. you know, i'm quite glad he renewed my hope. MIT is not closed to me as long as i'm willing to work my ass off for it. makes me think...a $100 000 a year scholarship is so very appealing indeed. anyway to cut the story short, i really respect this guy. hopefully will get to work with him in the future.

the MAE tutors really rock...oncea again, so glad i'm the right school! haha...
ok lah, think i'm going to watch finish CSI and if i'm still alive at the end i'll do a bit of tutorials.

HAHA today's morning show was so funny...i was laughing all the way to school. it was about vernon going to macs to order mutton. the macs stuff was like "muffin?" then he was like "no, mutton..." then the sales staff went "muffin?" it was really SO funny. gosh.

we were sitting around and talking in between lectures today. saying how everyone was not normal (sane) anymore. then suddenly someone commeted that "the pressure is high" then someone else said "so volume must increase". well...maybe it was me, but i can't remember...so further proves our statement.

JY and i were talking about how the ME profs are cooler than the rest. while the suckiest come from CE. so very funny yet true. so glad i made the right choice. oh wells, i think JY and i were really just talking rubbish the whole lect (hmm looking at the bright side, at least i didn't fall asleep...rite?)

so near yet so far. almost there but not there yet. aiyah i'm talking rubbish again. no doubt about it, we have officially agreed it's impossible. but we'll try...right? just what am i talking about. it's ok...my TG will know.

it's been a day of nothings again. just sat around, jammed, sat around, jammed, look at my notes (gave up), jammed. yay. i love my life. haha...oh after that i went to sleep and i realised it's 10pm - CSI on tv. so exam is rather not like next week. my jamming still sucks by the way, talk about waste of time. hope i'll get there some day.

oh, and need i mention that our EC tutor PN is a total IDIOT. he sucks! our EC slot is on tuesday afternoon. but last week, he told us that we need not come on tuesday...and he would pass us our ECOP grades on monday 1pm at the "lang lab" (i think that's what it's called) instead, for that moment i thought he was real nice and considerate (originally i never thought he was)...BUT know what? he didn't turn up on monday! he should be so thankful i didn't go down, or else i would have...(&%^&*!...sighs. i thought that sucked enuff. but no, what really made me feel like strangling him was i got this e-mail today saying "oh, i was in class today (tues) at 1pm (EC lesson time) but no one turned up...if you all want your grades please come to XXXX to collect" what crap! imagine, i didn't even go down on monday...if i did, know how pissed i would be?...

ok lah, i'm quite sure of what i intend to do. now just for plans to swing into action (i.e. this isn't about mugging) it's about what i want to do after exams. haha...what rubbish right? shall not go ON...i'm going OFF (get it?). erm...never mind.

haha we were sitting around outside the studio and ryan was standing just outside the door. then the earlier ended and DC opened the door, saw ryan and went "OEI EAVESDROPPING AH!" haha...scared the sh*t out of him man.

rawking. thanks to ryan's amp blasting in my face the whole lesson DC told him to turn it down, but it didn't do much good. think DC's gone deaf too cos he was also in the "line of fire". i now have the world's most ultimate headache. but who cares? i'm so happy man!

learnt Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" (Fire in the sky!) full song! inclusive of solo and rifts. ultimate SHIOK-ness! and although i can't play it myself, it's enuff seeing DC play it. crap i want to master the solo by next week and get some pointers but with the stupid exam coming i don't see how i can. ARGH. maybe if i break my 72 hour record...hmm then again, i better not even think about it, or someone out there is gonna get angry again. =X

ok lah, my life is taking a turn for the better? (if i start mugging -- yes i haven't even started lo) sighs...i can't think of a single subject that i'm ahead of time for (even physics). ARHHHH! someone come save me.

i've done the unthinkable and went to reformat my com. to think the exams are a week away. what am i trying to do i have totally no idea, but i know now i must try to prevent the stupid spyware from attacking again. GRRSs...

ok lah, it's 4am in the morning and i have a splitting headache. should go off and sleep now.

wassup with sms. i think that my phone is dying. my com is dying. what's this about technological failure. maybe it's a sign that i should get down to mugging. i really haven't done anything yet. it's worrying, esp when everyone else has.

was at 'ron's today. we drove to sembawang for food and along the way there, i was pretty sure i saw someone. but then, we were too far to tell and be absolutely sure (how contradicting rite?). not like 'ron would understand. and i wasn't the one driving so i didn't have control over things. neither do i control traffic lights. aiyah not like it's important.

so today's maths test was an official B12 disaster scenario. my TG in chaos is really quite hiliarious. but i rather not say cos i'll start thinking about the test and we'll all start feeling miserable all over again.

really thankful to JD and EL for helping me today. i was having a lot of problems with my work, so i wanted to borrow some tutorials to have a look and see if i could do something about it. but no one had brought any tutorials today (other than physics). so i thought never mind then. but JD and EL offered to help me work out the solutions on the spot. woah...totally impressed firstly by how they helped me and secondly how much they know. glad to have TG mates like them.

i have this strange tendancy to look back to look forward. to remind myself of what i can and cannot do. the day whereby i won't need/want to look back anymore may just come soon. but i really don't know if it's supposed to be a good thing. but then again, we'll see when it comes...

going with 'ron and company for makan tomorrow. been heading to his house a lot lately. everytime i past by a certain place along the way, my brain can't help but switch to this weird channel. hey hey, it's still there...persistent thoughts that supposed to have disappeared ages ago. seesh, the only people they're bothering is myself.

ok lah, gonna go off the com now. think i'm going to get some shut-eye. stop by brain from rotating about it's own axis.

oh, to those who have not heard what i said about my maths textbk...
the first page of my book says "DIFFERENTIATION RULES" on the top. hmm...sure anot? might as well say "INTEGRATION ROCKS" rite? seesh.

little wonder why my TG has given up on me. thought CANNOT's ENGINE was bad enough. oh well. poor SADIST CANNOT.

sigh, let me leave by saying...
"experiments need to be conducted several times and an average be taken in order to avoid random error."
i'm outta here...can see the flying eggs heading this way.

-name someone with the same birthday as you.
don't know anyone with same birthday...

- have you ever seriously vandalised someone else's property?
nope

- have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
yes, got into a lot of fights before...

- have you ever sang infront of a large number of people?
yes

.- what is the first thing you notice about the opposite or same sex?
eh...it depends i guess, notice different things about different people...

- what do you usually order from starbucks?
coffee...heh. well, depends on what i feel like drinking rite?

- what is your biggest mistake?
not realising some things earlier...i think

- have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
actually yes, initiated one pain to overwhelm another pain. if you know what i mean...(e.g. bang your head on the wall when you have a headache)

- say something totally random about you.
i can't draw a straight line.

- has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
no way...

- do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
yes definitely...i watch kids central so regularly...

- did you have braces?
yeah, those useless things.

- are you comfortable with your height?
i guess...

- when do you know it's love?
when it isn't hate.

- do you speak any other languages?
what do you mean by "other"...does maths count?

- have you ever been to a tanning salon?
nope

- have you ridden in a limo?
ya...in aust

- has anyone you were really close with passed away?
yes...in fact, a few people i know have. sighs.

- do you watch mtv?
once in a while, just an occasional look

- what's something that really annoys you?
lousy drivers like the trailer uncle i ran into today.

- what's something you really like?
music!

- what's the latest you have ever stayed up?
haha what about not sleeping? like for 72 hours straight.

- have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
yes, i think twice actually...once cos of the escalator incident another cos of something else...

found something very cool i can do over the holidays today. was flipping through XH's physics notes and found them very interesting. so i'm going to borrow them. well, my TG has officially declared me loony. i was just reading her notes instead of listening to prof in lecture. i'm going to do translating service for her this holiday, at the same time i can learn and polish up my cheena. haha...how's that for hua2 yu3 cool. i love physics in chinese...so pro man~

ok off to listen to more Ronin! i think the only time i'm gonna stop to them is when my CD breaks into 2. the angular momentum...ah, never mind. =X

i've always liked rock music, the more i listen to rock, the more i like rock. at this crucial juncture of my life, rock has definitely helped. once i listen to rock, i feel like my brain is totally free...either that or it'd be diverted from my stupid thoughts and dwell on the cool EG rifts instead. i'm esp thankful to ronin and led zepplin this few days. they've been helping me stay sane (or at least try my best to). listening to "do or die" while i fly down PIE is a totally shiok to the max experience...

i do wonder if it's an evolution of thought. or way of thought for that matter. or a change in perspective or something along those lines.

anyways, i find myself really into music recently. wonder why i gave it up when i was in primary school. then picked it up again. probably different circumstances will bring out different responses in the same person despite being the same stimuli? or something like that. sighs. i hope i'm not evolving into a logic freak.

presentation today went better than expected. in fact, WAY better. i guess the less you expect the happier you'll feel. so i shouldn't expect too much, just do whatever i can. PN (sounds like some diode) was really impressed with our topic unlike everyone else which was so boring. 'common, after 6 groups of "interaction between local and foreign hall residents", who wouldn't be? seesh. so i think canteen food really woke everyone up...

tomorrow's MEATBALL DAY! yippieee~! i love MBFC (meatball fan club) -- refuse to put MFC cos sounds like manyoo fan club (eew).

ok i'm off now, my com is breaking down and falling apart. so since it's such a hassle to blog from my laptop cos it's not on 24 hours unlike my PC, i may just stop blogging this often. so don't be surprised guys.

i'm (or should i say was) utterly demoralised. well i still am feeling lousy. but EG today made it better. thanks to D. learnt "heartbreakers" today. i like the song. FULL SONG OK.

life science today was an ultimate ass-kicking experience. i.e. kicking my own ass. ARGH. and we all know what happened after that rite B12? it's all too demoralising. i don't even want to think about it anymore.

anyways i think this blog of mine is becoming restrictive cos of the viewership issue. i wonder if the people i don't want here are here...because of the effects i'm seeing around me. perhaps i'm just being paranoid. but i doubt it's that. so...keep out you pests, and no uninvited people please.

ok lah, let's quit the sad stuff. D.Chai rawk on brudder. haha. more jammin' for the week. who cares about school man?! wah yeah! the more i think about it, the more i think i'll give up other stuff to go into 5 hour a day EG...oh and by the way, need i say ronin is power man!! i love ronin...so who said the local music scene is sucky/dead?

look at the time, seesh. everything is screwed.

just wanted to blog about how small the world is sometimes. it's freaky. one trip to TP, and i run into 4 people. one is an uncle who is some big boss of some reputable company - a fellow mechanical engineer (friend of my father's). then i run into some an ex-teacher (who has never taught me before) whose husband my father happens to know...someone i dread meeting esp when it's time for her to find out my father is my father -- someone whom she knows. yucks. but then, it didn't go too badly, cos as usual, i can always count on mrsT to appear and save me. phew...all of them appeared at the bread shop. how heng. yeah rite.

oh well...what a day. i was stuck in TP. didn't study for life sci. gosh. wonder how screwed up it'll turn out to be. not to mention the rest of the stuff this week. and then again, even if i didn't get held up there, i wonder how much work i'd actually do given that shanghai knights was on ch5. seesh.

now, i'm nearly done. NEARLY i stress...considering how much i actually managed to absorb. look it's nearly 6am...time for my bro to go to school and i just finished studying. good grief. and realistically, i'm aiming for a slightly better than average pass this time -- no good results expected. sighs. i need to get more stuff into my brain (which has obviously gone off to bed ages ago). if i sleep now, i wonder when i'll wake up. that will mean i don't know if i have time to study again later. ARGH!

am i going to survive next week?

well...i ONLY have THREE CAs and ONE PRESENTATION.

...not to mention other matters that i have to settle by next week.

supposed to get myself a new phone before the current one dies, but why do i have a feeling i'm going to put it off?
then i need to book chalet for the SNAV people. which i STILL HAVEN'T DONE.
and some other technical matters i have to settle next week (i am the household technician to those who still don't know...)

why does all the troublesome stuff come togethger?

3CAs?! crazy. no wonder B12 is so quiet this weekend. oh, and to JD, thanks man. really appreciate your help. i'm so grateful i have such a warm and helpful TG, makes life somewhat better...

before we know it, it's going to be the exams. and where's the study time? someone save me from this mess please...

was talking to SL yesterday on skype. glad i finally managed to talk to her...distance is not a factor man. technology rawks. haha. though the static was bad sometimes, but it was FREE so what do you expect man? 4am in the morning is no joke. but hecks, i can't help it that the world is round.

fed 2 dogs today. they were hungry. esp debs. snoopy didn't finish his food...so i just topped up and gave him treats. wonder how many i was supposed to give him cos i gave him 2. but whatever man, the dog's happy...

managed to bribe snoopy into taking a picture with me by giving him treats. yes, i talk to dogs...so? i'm weird...no, not cos i talk to them, but cos many of them can understand me. heh. ok anyways, here are the pics. not easy to take lor...the dog just wouldn't stay still despite the treats...seesh.

Snoopy and I!

Snoopy saying "LEMME IN!!!"

ok i'm sitting already! Gimme those treats NOW!

today's school was ok, but maths tutorial was distressing. sitting beside XH was a not bad experience...she's a scholar after all, and didn't have to worry if i didn't understand anything...well at least not till she seemed to get irritated with me not knowing anything. heh.

so...the countdown has begun, and i don't like it. an appeal to those on my contact list (1 person to be exact.) please STOP THE BLOODY COUNTDOWN...grrrs. so feel like deleting this person off my msn. sighs. just go away alright, i don't need to know when the exams are. i don't give a sh*t. if you wanna count, count by yourself lah! well, not like it'll help since i betcha the person doesn't know about the existence of this site. but wadda heck. just to please myself...why not?

my uncle came over today. why? nothing much...think he was pleased to see i'm still sane (or at least i think i am). i doubt he knows any of my lecturers so didn't bother to ask. if he knows FFY it'd be quite funny. haha. well, my TG calls him FFY. think it's cool...so ok, i'm going with FFY from today on. yay.

ok i'm going off. wonder why no one on msn is talking today. wonders wonders...life science test on monday. gosh...how screwed up can my life get? 3 tests in a week. GOOSH. duck duck. whatevers man, whatevers...

just came back from 'ron's house.

today i learnt that dogs eat bread, well at least 'ron's dogs do. and apparently they like bread. weird dogs 'ron has. i'll be feeding debs and snoop this saturday cos 'ron isn't in. doing a good deed. i find debs alright and snoops is actually quite cute. haha...nice doggie. i'll see if i can take a pic with snoops this saturday and post it here. see i'm such a nice person making a nicer offer...hehe.

ok lah, i'm really quite sian-ed out now. going to sleep or something like that. goodbye everyone.

SeVeN

ok i know this is so incomplete, will do it when i'm less hungry. off to dinner now. grrs goes my stomach. =X

Seven Things That Scare Me
1. Myself, sometimes...
2. How desperately i can want stuff sometimes
3. Not being able to live up to my own expectations
4. Not getting anything done right in my lifetime
5. Extremely loud noises.
6. People with mental problems.
7. Killing someone with something I did, or something I didn't do.

Seven Things That I Like Most
1. My EG
2. My course (at least certain modules of it)
3. Currently, macs strawberry sundae
4. Getting SMS =)
5. Wednesdays...(IKEA MEATBALLS!!! *drools*)
6. Jamming on mondays
7.

Seven Important Things In My Room
1. My bed and my blanket
2. My computer
3. My fan.
4. My textbooks.
5. My box...which contains all the old sch mags, photos, letters and i-don't-know what else...
6. My toolbox and box of cables
7. My mini hi-fi.

Seven Random Facts About Me
1. I can use fork and spoon in either the right or left-handed way...but not chopsticks and spoon.
2. I prefer cold to hot weather
3. I like petrol smell.
4. Initially had problems reading and writing from left to right.
5. I have great difficulty with straight lines...whether drawing or moving in. even with a ruler, i can't ensure the line i draw is straight and perfectly horizontal.
6. I need to be plugged into music or at least there needs to be some noise at the background at every instant or else i'll feel very stressed
7. I play guitar the right-handed way...left-handed way also can, but only tried once...

Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
1. Win a nobel prize (dream dream dream...)
2. Study at MIT (hope hope hope...)
3. Play my EG with a certain standard
4. Make a difference
5. Make a name for myself.
6. (Aiyah, too hungry to think already)

Seven Things I Can Do
1. Know the lyrics to every song playing on radio
2. Know the title to every song playing on radio just listening to a very short part of the song.
3. Get my life in order...ultimately just a matter of whether i want to...
4. Listen to the same song over and over again.
5. Be really lame and scare everyone around me.
6.
7.

Seven Things I Can't Do
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

Seven Things I Say The Most
1. WAH YEAH.
2. Ok
3. Huh...
4. wah lao
5. i'm so tired/i want to sleep/wanna die already
6. sianz
7. aiyah let's go

had my well-deserved haircut today. now i feel so much cooler...my brain can finally breathe again.

got my sms replied in a SHORT SHORT 5 minutes. record officially broken. someone must be so free...hehe. and the replies weren't that short either you know? haha...absolutely fantastic. feeling high now. nono not james blunt's song though.

i can't figure out how to do bending properly. think D has been trying to find many opportunities to point out my problems already, but i still haven't figured out how to get it right. wrist power. eh, i really don't get it. but i think i should soon, will make sure i ask him soon. oh by the way, i think he's now wondering if he should be happy now that ryan and ray have started talking to him...cos they're lame beyond the level he can handle. today he was showing us the AG book, saying how it was "THINNER" than the EG one. and ryan said "so, do you use paint with it?" then D said "oh no i just use liquid paper first before i can use the paint". me and rayson nearly laughed till we fell off the benches. i think D was quite affected cos after that he lost his train of thought several times and got his tongue tangled up a few times.

ok so that's that for today. hope i don't fall sick anytime soon.

i'm (VERY) BEHIND TIME. and you know what? it's a BAD TIME to be BEHIND TIME...cos there's simply NO TIME. sigh...why why why must i choose to slip and fall at the crucial point once again. just when i thought under-performance is a thing of the past. i haven't yet evolved into a full-time mugger, yet i can't maintain or doubt i will be able to maintain a standard. grrs. there have been many close shaves i tell you...no one has any idea how lucky i've actually been.

anyways, i'm SUPPOSED to check out the price of and book a chalet which i still haven't done. why? cos i've not been focused on what i'm supposed to do. sometimes i can't help but to idle my life away. low-stress/no-stress but ultimately no one gets away from it...rite? wonder when LH will be calling me to 'remind' me. in case she's reading this, NO i HAVEN'T forgotten. just LAZY. so come whack me yes?

went to pump petrol myself last friday. cos it was quite late and everything, there were no pump attendants, so i did the work myself. went down, tap the speedpass then took the nozzle and put it into the slot and pressed the trigger, pulled down the switch and waited. first time i smelt petrol smell so strong. gosh...i must admit usually i like the smell of petrol -- when i go to the petrol station, i can smell the petrol and i like it (say i'm nuts but yeah...) but that day when i smelt it, it was so strong i actually kind felt high. hehe...but must have been really bad for health. wonder how many of my brain cells i've killed. and wonder how those pump attendants stand it.

oh and need i say B12 (my tutorial group) RAWKZ. supper on friday was great...swensens at crown prince. wah yeah attendance was great (compared to last weeks ah-dam road makan fest). darren), JD, El, XH, JY, CQ and some other people i'm failing to remember now...think we really made a scene at the restaurant. but whatever rite? haha...must go for more food next week...at city hall probably. hope we stay as a tutorial group once again next sem. these guys are real fun.

i've always believed that when one day i reach this ultimate-pro state in guitar i'll be able to feel high on top of the world. like when i see people like carlos santana or eric clapton play, they are so totally into their music and in their own world. their fingers move across the fretboard like it's nothing...like they don't have to think of what they're about to do next they just feel it. it's amazing...it's really true that mastering every instrument comes with practice, no matter how easy they make it look. after picking up the guitar, i totally believe it...so everytime D.Chai says practice, i know he means it...but not 5 hours a day like him...though i so wish i could afford the time. sighs.

i really mean it when i say i'm behind time. never been so behind time before. esp at such a crucial juncture. *sweats in panic* oh wells. it'll be over and done with, just like everything else i guess...

i must constantly remind myself that i'm me. not someone else...not someone who has totally given up on human-human contact. i need to link back to my past to know my future...but the link has faded along the way.

anyway i found a nice place where i can be all by myself...but i'm not going to reveal where it is. a place where i can enjoy nice aircon, an almost-personal toilet and quiet environment without anyone coming to bug me. yes...how nice. guess when you drive, the whole singapore seems so much smaller.

i e-mailed dan about my cd hamper...wonder where it is, it's not the first time i'm having problems with getting my prizes from the station. seesh...

i'm contemplating, hesitating...wondering what my next step should be. advice advice...but who can give me any? at least unbiased comments are more welcome...sighs.

have this strange craving for chicken nuggets now, or make that anything meat. i'm hungry. what great timing. should i call mac-delivery? it's so expensive though...today no 24 hour macs how sad.

ok i'm off to watch tv. byes everyone.

watched cirque du soleil's Quidam today. yes, i needed the show, a break from my life which is getting really terrible -- revolving around my school, the hospital and my house. it was a marriage of physics and the arts...and a fantastic show at that.

Quidam is latin for "a certain person or thing" like some unknown, an anonymous passerby...the complexity of today's society, the number of people walking around and when no one actually knows anyone. Cirque Du Soleil is French for "Circus of the Sun" with it's yellow and blue big top. i remember the last time they came down, i think the show was O, i wanted to go watch, but didn't manage to. this time, i'm really glad to have caught Quidam...really...in a way, the show means something and nothing at the same time...

front-row-seats at that (don't ask how some corporate thing) there was a reception before the show and during the interval where there was a free flow of coke and all-you-can-eat good food from raffles hotel (i think)...

wah yeah, lucky didn't kenah pulled on stage and sabo-ed. many of them were, a lot of audience participation...

the clowns were good, their miming acts were fantastically stunning. wonder what it's like to be a professional clown. must be so cool.

and there were a couple of the girls from china performing the diabolos which i watched before back in the days when i was in PCPS. we were wondering back then, how much these people have given up to do the art...i mean, not like it's not something good, but i wonder if they had a chance to decide what they really wanted.

well, at least they're good at something...look at them, they're so young (say around 10?) and they've mastered something so well...but look at me -- what have i done to some certain decent standard so far? these people don't learn stuff from a book, but from experience...probably a slower process but they'd probably get things much deeper than we do. like physics, they'd probably learnt a lot about centre of mass/gravity and angular motion - though they may not know the formulae etc...they sure know how it works probably much better than any physcist or engineer (to a certain extent)...

the other act "statue" is another interesting one, 2 human being stacked on top of one another, shifting about to get certain poses. sometimes i wondered which part of the "statue" belonged to which person.

the musicians were really great too. live music works better in these situations cos the musicians can react to how the show progresses at that instant --something which a piece of recorded music can't...the human touch is so important ultimately...no matter how nice a piece of recorded music is, it's ultimately artifical and 'fake'. makes me think how i should join a band instead of hiding behind those lousy mixers sometimes...

i really enjoyed the show...laughed a lot and was in awe most of the time. 2 hours flew past real quickly...i can hardly believe it. and now i'm back in reality, wondering what i'm doing here...and what i'm going to do next. imaginations hardly last...wonder how it'd be like to run away with the circus...though with probably little job prospect here in singapore, i'd have to travel the world...not exactly my kinda lifestyle...so i better hit the books hard. =X

so it's back to real life...and no more time to be bumming and slacking around. it's not as innocent as the show...way more complicated...so much more problems...back to my problems, back to my troubles...time to get my miserable life back on track...i need time (which i sadly don't have)