yuck it's sucky times again. everything i do is so screwed up, either that or others screw my life up for me. i want the end of this rubbish to come soon so that i can take a break. couple more weeks...i must TAHAN. but for now, Travis seems very apt.

Baby, you've been going so crazy
Lately, nothing seems to be going right
Solo, why do you have to get so low
Baby, you've been going so crazy
Lately, nothing seems to be going right
Solo, why do you have to get so low
You're so...
You've been waiting in the sun too long


But if you sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing
For the love you bring won't mean a thing
Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing


Colder, crying on your shoulder
Hold her, and tell her everythings gonna be fine
Surely, you've been going to early
Hurry, cause no one's gonna be stopped


But if you sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing
For the love you bring won't mean a thing
Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing


Baby, there's something going on today
But I say nothing, nothing, nothing,
Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing

i'm VERY PISSED. my LP has been dented in multiple places. and it's brand new, i kept it in my hard case and it's still dented, yet those i put on the stands are fine. seriously very pissed. it's not even done by me. i'm should just cordon up my guitars...and put a big no trespassing sign. i have a very serious heartache. so much for having no feelings.

i'm worried sick, my thumbdrive is not with me. and i don't know where it is. i can only hope for one thing. it MUST be in office or i'm seriously SCREWED. argh.

today i came across the most ridiculous thing...it's the breaking point...the one that gives the term 'stingy' an all-new meaning. whatever it is, i must remember how close the line between being thrifty and stingy is.

anyway, looking on the bright side, i made a new friend called whose a cow called moo. he's a pretty nice guy and is a rare breed because not many people can actually speak english where i work. so it's good to find someone to talk cock with. oh and by the way, he shares my surname so everyone calls him my bro. at least there are some decent people on site. or to correct that, there are MANY decent people on site, just one lousy sickening loser...whose not always there...but when he is, everything sucks.

ah, such is life.

i think the esplanade is a nice place. but it's a sad place. it always reminds me of depressing things, like how lost i feel and how far i am from what i want to do. it has somehow almost come to the stage where i don't know what i'm doing anymore.

i went to the library to look for some scores - i wanted to see what kind of tunings i have to do to play goo goo dolls songs and see if i can arrange in standard tuning. and i saw them doing the acoustic set at the cafe. to get where i want to go, i should be playing at that level at the very very least, and what i'm doing now is simply insufficient. my performing experience is miserable, and i haven't done any serious audio stuff in what? years maybe? IT SUCKS.

i need to decide soon. i want to decide soon. before i graduate at least, because when i graduate, i don't want to still be this lost. it'll either be apply for a 'normal' job, or go do the other thing - which i don't even know exactly what it's supposed to be. i can't just be drifting around...even if no one gives me any pressure, i can't stand it...no matter how much i enjoy it, there's ultimately still this sense of frustration.

today didn't have to go to work. went for some course instead. it was really stupid and brainless...other than the REAL photos of people who died in accidents (sorry if this sounds really bad) i could barely focus. ended up having a sms conversation with DC. the only advantage was the place is super near my house, ended up going home super super early today.

we feel really weird sometimes, wondering what we are doing. we're training to be engineers but what we're doing is definitely not within that job scope. i don't know lah. just got to remind myself it's going to end soon i guess...KH and i were discussing how to get as many days off work as possible.

work is sucky because i keep getting stuck between 2 of the people there who are supposed to be working together. the guy i'm working under being one of them. and sometimes i feel the guy i'm working under is just not up to standard with a lot of things he does. sometimes it disappoints me to have to do things that aren't up to standard myself just because he doesn't give me better and clearer instructions.

on another topic...

i guess it's a good opportunity to meet and play with musicians who are a lot more talented than myself. met a very cool bassist today by the name of R. funky guy lah.

going to be playing in front of a live audience again. today there was less cold sweat, i think i'll grow more confident with each time - just as with every normal human being. but i must remind myself that it's not the act of playing that's crucial but what i'm playing for.

so so tired...public holiday tomorrow is super well-timed.

on some lousy days it's the view that makes it all better. today wasn't great, time passed very very slowly. i have a feeling tomorrow will be worse because the big bird(niao3)-like creature is coming. site work is ok when you're not tired, but i was very tired today, and walking around site can be unbearable.

i don't understand why they hacked off the sides of the stairs and removed the barricade along the sides...as though they were trying to make life very difficult for me - because i have fear of heights/stairs/escalators. i took extra long to come down the main hotel today simply because of that.

to some extent, i live in fear everyday...when i walk around site because i have a lot of stuff i don't know and sometimes people just keep staring at you. but i somehow believe it'll be worse to show any uncertainty on my part. so just have to keep my head up and pretend to know what i'm doing on site though sometimes i don't.

enough crap for tonight, i promised myself i'll sleep more today.