why do problems tend to occur all at once?

there's only ONE of me you know. thanks to my TG for making me feel better today with their looney ideas. but it's not much difference cos in reality everything's the same.

ok i'm outta here. too many problems, too little time. i'm not going to be at home for a while. no time to elabo. everything else will have to wait for now.

wonder if i could get rid of all commitments to just be a full-time social recluse. haha i need to get my work done man. at the rate i'm going now, i'm not going to make it through the next round of tests alive. it's not good. gotta spend more time hitting the books, instead of fiddling around with my guitar etc etc...the weird things i can actually spend time doing.

my TG has adopted 3 class mascots. ah goo, ah bei, and carebear. haha...i cannot understand why they're almost on the verge of being driven to insanity. oh and speaking of my TG...they seem to have taken up this new favourite pastime of suan-ing JD and me -- it seemed to have evolved from the pastime of just suan-ing everyone in general. yes, let me be the source of entertainment once again. but please don't believe those rumours. seesh. then again, i'd better not say anything later yue4 miao2 yue4 hei1. =X

ok going off now. just watched hitler rise of evil on ch5. like the show. see, told you i'm doing weird stuff. i'm so tempted to look around and see if anyone can lend me the entire VCD set now.

you know, the rainbow spectrum i have on my blog (i.e. the top picture) reminds me of the lab i had last monday...which sucked cos it spoilt my eyesight. the diffraction grating experiment which we did in our JC days has been given a new lease of sucky life. i strongly feel they should ban the experiment because if they don't, soon the whole singapore student population (or limit that to the engineers and physicists) will go blind (ok, maybe just cock-eyed). it was the same experiment we did in JC just that the equipment used was more hi-tech -- like that made a difference.

i'm super disappointed with my EC grade. darn...why should i let him screw my life up. sigh. i should have done much better. but what can i say? EC's subjective. and i hate subjectivity. i never seem to do well for language, even though i somehow seem to somewhat peak in performance at major examinations...but it's not comforting at all.

i need to catch up with my physics and maths. not to mention the 'less important' subjects (at least to me) like material science and life science. i'm really really behind time right now -- say about 3 lectures per subject? gosh.

ok i' going off now. got show to watch on TV later, better finish "motion-guy"'s tutorial...sianz oh what FUN (reminds me of para-para-lau...never mind...)

so you tell me you're moving overseas. is there a set reaction i'm supposed to have to that? firstly, it's difficult to even get a reaction out of me. secondly, i don't know how to react. you're not the first person i know whose moving away. so...what can i say but "have a nice trip?" seesh...oh wells

ok, back to my life. nothing much to say except probably that i've been back to my reclusive self. uni life has helped it. nothing is compulsory, so i can make the decision on whether i want to appear or disappear. and i'm probably happy about it. just that i need to work out a way to increase my productivity levels. or rather...start doing academically useful stuff. cos i know recently my guitar-work has suddenly taken a huge leap of improvement -- huge by my standards.

alright, EC starts in an hour. gotta fly my way to school. i don't like EC. then again, who does? -- i'm off. back later (maybe?)

went out with AVAlumni people today. had a nice time. considering that i did nothing yesterday cos i reached home around 2am, then went out to macs for fries with GX (yes, at that kind of time), i woke up super late today (say around 1+pm) cos i slept so late last night. today was academically barren. oh well. what can i say...at least i had fun i guess.

me, LH, lix, alt, lyana met at bishan mrt at 5:30. ok so we were supposed to. but lyana (our ultimate gu niang) was late as usual. so we had dinner at cartel while waiting for her. clare was supposed to come. but she didn't cos she had something to attend to at home. we were having quite a rawking time with our dinner, filling up the AVbook and fooling/laming around. LH and lix were taking pics with my phone here:

anyways i drove the everyone to clare's house after dinner instead (i.e. if you can't come to the party, the party comes to you). yay. we just talked, had fun and played a bit of guitar. nice break from the constant rush everyone's in. it's interesting how i can see things change...and here are more pics taken by LH (i think...)

oh and i got the chords for tong hua already so if you all are interested can come get from me. haha quite useless typing this suddenly recalled only me play guitar. oops. oh ok, i'm gonna make another public service announcement soon. cos AVAlumni CHALET!!! coming up in december! let's hope everyone can make it...yo yo yo...cool BANANAS. (i'm high...)

yes, today's physics CA. i was sabo-ed quite badly. i was at one of the rows behind with DP, happily seated with my left-handed table. when prof (i.e. the "motion guy") said "you, yes you...come in front".had to move me TO THE FRONT. and FRONT meaning RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM (could literally use his table to write). how stress! gosh, when i occasionally looked up in thought, i saw him looking at me seeing if i had difficulty doing the paper. i was so traumatised i didn't dare to look up anymore. ended up with a neck cramp i think it was also partially cos i had to use the right-handed table...grrs.

but the test went well... if all went as i expected, it would be my long-awaited full mark experience. but i believe being human, it won't come that easily. so...we'll see i guess. no expectations.

material sci was utter crap compared to physics. so let's just forget the unhappy parts.

walked past the advanced robotics lab today. so COOL. yes, there was aircon...but the equipment was just so COOL. wish i get the chance to use the equip there soon. mechatronics stream here i come...

anyways, MAF tomorrow. yo need to sleep. bye byes.

i doubt this thing called PASSION. yes, how miserable. but i can't help it. look at all the stuff i have PASSION for:

physics...do i do exceptionally well? no...
guitar...do i do exceptionally well? no...
AV...do i do exceptionally well? no...

what passion? is there a use? when the rest of the muggers out there are the ones who are doing well. say i'm utterly demoralised, say i set the bar too high for myself. but what's PASSION? it doesn't seem to help or make any difference. instead, what it does sometimes, is just make me feel worse than i would if i didn't have it. is there something wrong with me, or is there something wrong elsewhere (e.g. say the system - no not as in physics). PASSION vs. OBSESSION. i don't even want to go there.

on the other hand, things i never really enjoyed as much: e.g. GP, Bio/life science...i do much better in. weirdness.


anyway, general thoughts aside, went to this restaurant (that had an angular momentum - i.e. it was rotating) located in a hotel along orchard road. it's some fine dining thingy.

ok, for those who don't know about my fine dining course experience. erm...i NEVER like fine dining. how do you eat...it's so STRESSFUL. gosh, you even have to learn the order that you're supposed to use the cutlery. ALAMAK! like it matters...cos it all goes in and comes out the other end. and your stomach won't be able to tell the difference whether you eat it with a fork or with your hands (unless you didn't wash them). seesh.

i had this cod fish dish (french cuisine) and they gave us this knife for cutting fish (i assume it's called the fish knife). the blade or cutting side was only on one side. and it could only be used if it was held with the right hand. oh...great. so what choice had i? i just used my right hand to hold the knife and tried to cut it. nope, i did not manage to cut it. instead, i just made a big unsightly mess on my plate...cos the fish went "bleah" and nope it didn't look that good -- at least not to the waiter who was refilling my water who was trying his best not to burst out in laughter. and what's this about sparkling and still water. if it's water, it's just water. i think high-class water tastes like toilet bowl water...no wonder everyone says i have cheap taste.


ok to SL in case you're reading this (cos i know you come here sometimes):
i think your timing is totally not good. haha 7-8am i'm in school...even if i'm not i'd be sleeping. so "no fate" on msn. always only see your messages but never get the chance to message you. can leave me messages here also...or e-mail think it's more convenient?? i don't know...whichever way, just make sure you're having fun over there. and keep in touch. hopefully after 4 years, i'll make my way to where you are now...and think less about how miserable i feel sometimes -- not that i'm not happy here...it's just certain issues. think you roughly know what i mean...

off to physics-ize myself. byes.

let this entry be X where X is assumed to be infinitesimal short.

ok, i'm happy and obsessed. physics. anyways, today's last physics lecture with mr-entertaining-pronounciation-guy. how sad. but i understood part of his lecture...and i liked the KEPLER'S SECOND LAW THINGY!!! woah cool bananas. oh i liked the ice-skating thing too...but he only showed it once.

no guitar today, cos D.Chai's sick. ok understatement of the year...but no i mean "sick" as in literally. how sad, esp after how i was so tempted to jam after seeing the jam band performance at the CE week. eh, one thing i don't understand is why they call the bands "jam bands" can't they just call it band? ...i don't think the term "jam band" sounds cool at all, cos bands are MEANT to jam. duh. -- ok let's just hope i don't get shot for this comments. blogging is not a safe activity in the recent times.

ok, i need to go straighten out my life. byes. my life is one big incoherent mess currently.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

to all SNAVAlumni people:

we're having a BOH LIAO makan session (part II)

Time: 5:30pm
Venue: J8

we'll probably be going for a move after that i think shen2 hua4 as LH suggested. so yuppers...

feel free to contact me for more details.

and to all those people who say they SHOULD BE coming...well...WAH LAO don't like that lah come lah...better not pangseh or else...

-the ultimate all-time mastermind behind all boh-liao-ness
Jac.

it's puzzling how i never learn from my mistakes. i know i'll pay the price for doing something, yet i just can't seem to not do it. it's almost like i can't help it...sigh. i don't want to screw my life up but i can't help it. i don't want to fail in my uni life, but i can't help it. i don't want to do badly, but i can't help it. so...i which part can't i help?

today's episode of apprentice...the guy craig (i think his name is...) is brilliant, yet he did not get the respect he deserved cos he could not convince others to believe the ideas he had were great. it's simply just cos he couldn't communicate with the team he was leading. somewhat i could see myself in him. but i can't help it.

ok lah i have to go watch my shows and finish up my work...school starts tomorrow. should have a revamp of attitude for this next half of the sem...

yes, say it's the after-effects of doing too much physics. but somehow i don't understand why things involving people get complicated. many of the things we come to be involved with are the same. let's say for example...a computer is built at a factory. the entire shipment of them is the same. yet, after the thing is sold to different people who use it for different purpoes, download different programs, arrange the files differently. The thing, although exactly the same, may become totally different. the hardware maybe the same, but the software is most probably not. and these softwares may conflict and...

it fascinates me how humans can shape something to make it totally different from what it's meant to be. and it fascinates me even more when i feel like i'm not human sometimes, cos i can't understand the simplest of stuff (i.e. stuff which is supposedly simple to the rest of the world) yet things which are so complex to everyone else i can comprehend so simply. these things about conflict of interest, clash of personality...i really don't get them. but yet, can feel their effects. how weird and to a certain degree, unfair. and what fustrates me is the fact that sometimes no matter how i search i can't find a satisfying explanation to my questions although i can feel the misery of interpersonal friction. in this aspect, i'm such a failure. i can try and i can pretend, but it's not going to work.

the make-up of a society (i.e. defined as a group of people working together for a certain purpose)...there's so much more than just working to achieve a specific goal. there's much more than working in a working society. the parts that i simply can't determine and comprehend. in a system, RCA to RCA is definitely adaptable...no doubt about it if it's audio, the audio will work, if it's video the video will show. but no, it's not like that in a human-human working environment. it cannot function if there is none of this 'element(s)' which i simply cannot define. grrs.

aiyah my brain is in one complete whirlwind lah...but the people i can talk to and will probably know what i'm talking about are just not here. so the rest of the world will probably not know what i'm talking about.

on another topic, personally i agree with what mrH said. what makes value out of something is the very same thing that makes you different. i believe i should and need to go for something bigger, better and stronger rather than just cling on in utter desperation to something just because you're comfortable there. this idea of the "comfort zone" started striking me since i entered JC. and it's opened another perspective for me. it can't be sheer coincidence that 2 people who totally don't know each other suddenly start mentioning this to me. maybe it's a sign for me to move...

life is like a game of chess (so very cliche, but true). it's one cruel game of strategy -- people are selfish...and the world is not fair. i have long accepted that. yet, i wonder...i believe my life is lacking in a goal...or make that STILL lacking of a goal. maybe i am or not maybe but I AM an extremist...there is no nice middle position. it's only either DO OR DO NOT. my quest for understanding will probably drive me nuts one day. and the fact that i "do or do not" will make some people look at me differently and probably think i have some psychological problem, but it's alright...whether it's advantegous or disadvantageous...i do not know/care. it's just like that...just like any experimental result or scientific fact -- beyond and analysis. ultimately, probably that's what being human is about -- a human fact? haha...

my brain still refuses to return to my head...which is kind of aching right now. too many thoughts once again...

went for EC group meeting today -- more like group lunch at kfc toa payoh. haha...wil was late, so me and CW just talked cock for about an hour. my EC group is the NY group...then we were discussing how we used to piss our econs tutors off and other crazy things.

i am honestly lagging so behind time right now. but i can't seem to draw the energy to do work to catch up. how?! school starts in 3 days!!! i haven't finished my work work work. gosh~ not like i've been slacking that badly (rite?). how to even start revising for tests? this is madness...one week is definitely not enough.

i feel like i'm in the midst of writing a song...but the inspiration comes in bits and pieces (then again, maybe it's always like this) so...it'll take a while. haha...as though i'm that free.

ok lah...back to work. at least i hope i get some done...

when will i learnt to get some things out of my brain.
seesh, at this rate, no wonder my entire train of thought is so flooded~ whose wouldn't be?

though i honestly doubt no one will know exactly what i'm talking about. probably some people know about it but don't know what that i'm referring to it here. so whatever it is, i guess the exact thought i'm referring to isn't important...the process of trying to get rid of it is. i've been so distracted lately. can't believe it.

it's funny how i know it's pointless yet i still can't get over the fact and my brain is still saturated...ok so it's not as bad now as it was then, but it's still bad. how many pointless thoughts have i had in this lifetime so far? aiyoh...my brain is working on things it shouldn't even be bothered about. and by the way, is it sheer coincidence or luck that all of these stupid, pointless thoughts have to do with human-human relations? --the one thing i still can't understand up till today...

had the weirdest dream yesterday...something about kenah-ing some weird disease and getting quarintined. then die-die couldn't go take some test or something like that...so in order not to fail, i found a way out of this prison-like house (ok it wasn't that prison-like...more like chalet-like) must be this world we live in...all the SARS, the bird flu, the dengue...gosh, it's even getting into my subconscious!

i thought i would never feel like going back to my JC...and i didn't know anyone there. but i do...and those people i know are the ones who taught me. only them. ha...what a great contrast. anyways, went back yesterday. and it did go pretty alright. i won't regard it as a wasted trip.

i saw mrH, mrL (para para), mrC, ah soh and mrsC (i think in that order).

the moment i saw mrH, i was like "THE CURSE OF ECONS!!!" and he couldn't help but laugh, but he laughed even harder when i told him i'm still taking a module of econs. --yes, yes, laugh at me...my official purpose in life has suddenly evolved into providing joy. seesh. then later he asked about how i travelled to NTU since i wasn't staying in hostel...told him i took the PIE. immediately the conversation swung to being about the woes of driving on the expressway during peak hours. followed by some advice like "please ah, don't fall asleep at the wheel" haha...he asked when i passed and whether i was still climbing the mountain (p-plate). what a funny way of putting it...then i asked him about why i haven't seen him around in TP. haha he said nowadays no time (12-hr shift) but holiday he'll take permanent residence there. oh yeah...my TP-mates...

mrL was saying "oh, so uni should be easy for you, since you've taken most of the stuff in phy-s" *ouch. oh yeah...that's so comforting when i don't know how to do 3/5 tutorial questions for phy...but the dude looked quite busy (usually he is anyway).

mrC was wondering where his kid was. he was initially wondering if i knew he had a kid. and i for once in the day did the suan-ing and questioned him on how he could be ignorant about the location of his kid! haha...he looked so worried, then desperately try to explain how his son was passed from his mother to his in-laws. but i just ignored his explanation and went on and on and on...then he tried to change the subject by asking me if i had seen mrHo. but i said "ya, it's your KID you know, not some present or parcel...how can pass around?" then he really couldn't stand it anymore and said "OKOK i go look for him now." WAHAHAHa.

i totally understand the fun involved in suan-ing others.

mrsC was ok, never really talked to her much...but i seem to have more to talk about with phy tutors...not surprising.

yeah, NY is a friendly place. don't mind going back once in a while, laughing my guts out...but the security stuff would make me think twice.

my mission is to finish my EC and lab today...think i can forget it. i'm feeling real sleepy and running a fever (well, at least my thermometer says so...) zzz...zzz...zzz...

Hello Lonely - Theory of a Dead Man

Hello lonely
How you doin' today?
Hello sweet thing
Why don't you walk this way?

Hello, you again
How could you go and be so cold?
She said "Goodbye sad man"
Cuz all this pain is getting old
So why're you sad?
Don't you know that
It's you that holds my dreams and seems to always come back?
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again?
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this?

Hello lonely
Now that you're gone I can move on
Goodbye sweet thing
Just know that I've been here all along
So why're you sad?
Don't you know that
It's you who holds my dreams and seems to always come back?
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again?
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again?

Again
Again
All those days you waste on me I just can't let you go
So why're you sad?
Don't you know that
It's you who holds my dreams and seems to always come back?
How do I live without you?
How could you just walk away from this, just walk away from this again?
How do I live without you?
How could you just walk away from this, just walk away from this again?
How could you walk away?
How could you walk away from this?
Just walk away from this again

today's e.guitar was funny (what's new). haha we did chords thingy thing...and then the pieces were labelled A, B, C, D blah blah...so D told us what to play...like for this time we're supposed to play piece E, then he would say something like "ok, let's play E, E for echo, excellent, elephant..." i was so tempted to say "extra"...but never mind. so he went on and did this for all the pieces. mad. another one of his failed attempts to make everyone break out in laughter. i think to give him face, me and ray smiled. seesh.

i got lost in little india today, was supposed to turn left at the end of rochor (i think) but got stuck in the "go straight only" lane, so went into little india. then i believe i was supposed to make a left somewhere, but i missed it too. so ended up in macpherson. don't know how...but just saw the CTE and headed there. and managed to get my a** back here. so...it's true that you can't get lost in singapore eh?

sigh...so tired. i think i'm off now.

i laugh at the ironies of my life. yet i wonder if it's all just a show. haha...sounds cheem, but it isn't. it's just been one of those days when you realise how fake life has been. and then wonder how you actually manage to put up such a marvellous show. ultimately, we do choose the type of world we want to live in. cos, even if it is all an image, it's where or how you live that matters and determines whether you feel happy or satisfied or whatever. somewhat like the matrix triology where some are determined to break free from the virtual world upon realisation...while others just choose to continue living there.

sigh abstract stuff aside, i went to 'ron's house just now. the dude is now a qualified driver (at long long last). and we went driving. i or make that WE nearly died -- my near death experience and i didn't realise how close to being involved in an accident we were.

first, we went on a ride around the YCK area in my car...i.e. i drove one round, then he took over and tried out my car. then we switched over to his car...when it was my turn, i was at YCK road (the area outside his house), i was going to make a U-turn, there was this car signalling to turn right and there was another car behind (which i totally didn't see). since the car was making the turn, i decided that there was sufficient time for me to go. but when in actual fact there wasn't. people make mistakes...the next thing i heard was the loud horns (doppler's effect -- high to low pitch meaning i could tell that the car was coming damn fast towards me). but because i had already made half the turn i had to complete it. i forgot that i wasn't in my own car -- 'ron's march has this bigger turning radius which i totally neglected. and while making the U-turn i had to cut into the 3rd lane. so when actually i had cleared the turn (in a way, since the other car had emergency braked) i could just move off normally. but no, i went to swing the steering to the right somemore and we nearly went into the kerb.

i tell you we're both so lucky that neither of us was the panicky type. if any of us were, i wouldn't be here blogging and our families would probably be waiting outside the ER to see if we were ok. phew~ i immediately e-braked and both of us pulled the steering steady. then we moved on...not realising anything until we were back in his house and consolidating what we think happened. it's so freaky...i wonder if i was in the car with anyone else, would i still be here.
*shivers*...

Chariot - Gavin Degraw

Staring at a maple leaf
Leaning on the mother tree
I said to myself we all lost touch
Your favorite fruit is chocolate covered cherries
And seedless watermelon oh…
Nothing from the ground is good enough
Body rise
It puts over me

[Chorus:]
Oh chariot your golden waves
are walking down upon this face
Oh chariot I'm singing out loud
To guide me
Give me your: Strength

Remember seeking moons rebirth
Rains made mirrors of the earth
The sun was just yellow energy
There is a living promise land
Even over fields of sand
Seasons fill my mind and
Cover me…
Bringing backmore than a memory

[Chorus]
Oh chariot your golden waves
are walking down upon this face
Oh chariot I'm singing out loud
to guide me
Give me your strength…

You'll be my vacation away from this place
you know what I want
Holding that cup,
It's pouring over the sides…
Make me wanna spread my arms and fly

so they didn't get the IP. wonder why. i didn't mind a particular someone inititally...later PW came along, then the chinese thingy...then i didn't like the particular someone anymore. but i guess that's not the point. cos whether i like the particular someone or not is just my own opinion. but i think this is going to hurt the morale of their pretty badly...not that it hasn't already been whacked left, right and centre...

don't know what the world's coming to. a woman's head found in a sports bag...in ORCHARD ROAD?! 'common lah...sighs. i look at all the things happening and i wonder what's happening to the place i live in. i wonder if i'm even living in the same world i used to be living in 5 years ago. it's scary/freaky in a way...

did nothing once again but i don't feel bad cos i didn't intend to. so i just sat at home the whole day. i have this strange ability to create 3D landscapes in my brain. i.e. i can be in any environment i have been to. i just reproduce a copy in my brain, then take sort of like a virtual tour and everything seems so solid. that's what i did the entire day actually. just sat on my bed dreaming. haha...the things i do to entertain myself sometimes. at least doing this keeps my brain occupied and it won't loiter on to other areas...

in the evening, i met tong shou and drove to j8. walked around and had pastamania, then came home and went to TP with the intention of eating more. but didn't, instead went to have ice-cream. the amount of ice-cream i've been eating this recent times is simply unbelieveable. seesh.

ok lah, i'm going off to continue dreaming. actually i'm so tired.

the state of equilibrium. i think my equilibrium is when i'm alone. wonder if one day i'll be able to explain to myself this constant need for myself to be with myself. can just be with all the different people, but ultimately i will just end up not being able to stand it and withdraw into hiding.

i really can't stand being around people too often. it's tiring (?)...i try to talk to others...it's not that i don't like to be with people/don't like people, it's just that i prefer to be alone. so...to the one who knows me well enough, please explain this to me. at least i believe this recess would be a good chance for me to go into hibernation and probably feel better at the end of it all.

in a lot of pressure when i'm with people. insecurities? maybe...but whatever it is, it just feels so draining.

was nearly late for school today. i left my house at 2pm and rushed there for 2:30pm lesson. i made it...but slightly late -- at least i wasn't the latest. lesson was alright...as for the test, i hope i didn't copy the wrong question (but i really think i did). so i'm more or less screwed...GRRRrr. what a nice way to screw up. why can't they just print question? after lesson went to register my calculator and went home...

wanted to go to J8 for a walk...but decided not to and came home instead. for dinner i went to east coast park hawker centre. the food there is AMAZING. i found a place that's actually in the same REALM as chomp chomp!!! woah...i tell you, i ate the oyster omelette and beefball noodles...OH MAN...it was simply so very SHIOK. i can tell you i'll be heading there again soon...oh man oh man oh man...i still can't get over it~ =P

wow. i won myself a $200-CD hamper on P10 today. Dan picked me. haha...the funny thing was i sms-ed in with my real name and he didn't know me by my real name so when he called me he didn't know he was calling me...and i think it was partially cos he was sick, he sounded so blur. then when i said "hey dan ah, surf here..." then he was like "huh? OH...why didn't you say so?" anyways, i was driving so had to pass the phone to my bro to give dan the address. and he didn't even know he was talking to dan...till i told him after he hung up. then he was like "WHAT? why didn't you tell me?!" my conclusion: people around me have been exceptionally blur today.

didn't do much today. cos i simply couldn't. my head nearly split open. migrane? maybe...woke up super late and couldn't move so decided to go back to sleep. thoughts have this unique way of flooding into my brain. so it can get really bad sometimes.

had prata for dinner -- the one across my house. drove there...seesh, thought we were going somewhere further like bishan mah...mrsT came along so we didn't go bishan cos she violently protested cos i think she was afraid i wouldn't send her home. haha...am i that bad? still can comment my dinner not healthy...please lah...if not for her i wouldn't be eating there lor... =P

ok that's about it. off to release pressure from my brain erm i do wonder if i actually have one

WARNING: this is one totally incoherent entry. if you don't get it, don't worry...cos neither do i =P

pretty nice day in spite of the messiness, it went along quite well. i got sabo-ed though not badly but bad enough i guess.
haha anyways, think what YH says has a point...it's quite cold and scary when i go "ya i know". probably just the way i say it, but then again i don't know any other way to say it...cos it simply means "ya i know"...how else can i say it? i think if i had tried any harder i would have started sounding sarcastic.

nice work with the "mooncake debate"...haha thankfully we managed to corordinate so well. now we have to crack our brains for next year. and i'm esp thankful that no one looked into the paper bag to check out what was inside.

well, i know i didn't really talk much today, notice a trend of how i always have the tendancy to shuddup and try to listen in. someone was apparently having a nice time suan-ing me like crazy. so be it. thanks to mrDK. seesh...i'm just sorry i don't like triple E (EEE) and i have and will have totally no intention of studying that (not that i still have much of a choice). the thing about this guy is you have to tolerate the surface before you actually get to learn anything from him. and i did learn stuff from him, and he's ok actually...it's just once in a while (i.e. like today/yesterday). but afterall, it provided entertainment to everyone (despite being at my expanse) -- like how someone nearly choked on her food *hehehe* but whatever man...i'm cool. but it does make me wonder why everyone seems to take interest in this particular subject matter (those who were with me will know what i'm talking about).

and i really didn't mind the joke (or so i think...) cos i wasn't listening/concentrating because i was sms-ing jacW. so i didn't laugh along with everyone else. think that's what worried her. haha...(see i'm laughing now) she said "i was only joking" then i said "ya i know" (this is where what YH says comes in). then again it's not like i didn't make everyone laugh at her expanse -- the flower pot (hua1 peng2) thingy...think some people didn't know i can resort to that kind of mean-ness/lame-ness.

actually i didn't really do the physics question she asked me to do lah (she did it herself...i just wrote while she talked). i just told her what method i would use and briefly describe...and in the end she realised can do and did herself. --this is to answer jacW's question regarding who was actually doing the solution. and to answer her question regarding whether it was A-level physics we were talking about...yes it was (erm wait a minute, i think we answered this already)

yeah, she's probably right...think she knows "my person". so it's a rare thing. but it's freaky too. can't think funny thoughts. =X

oh and need i mention, the thought of her being in the same school is equally freaky. good thing and a bad thing...so since both negative and positive aspects cancel out, we'll see how it goes -- not hoping for anything in particular...though it'll be fun having a lunch-mate...but they better keep the flower pots properly...

everything else aside, i do feel threatened and squashed. -- this isn't supposed to make sense. it's terrible...

i need to brush up on my work. the one week recess is coming. need to get my life back too. which should be given the priority?

yes i'm going insane as everyone can tell. tomorrow's (today's) physics and material science tutorials are still undone. oh gosh. please don't let the sabo-ing carry on till tomorrow. as for the test on friday, let's just not talk about it...

yes...i didn't screw my life science test after all! haha...so glad it's been a while since i did decently for any tests in my miserable life. but it's alright, as they say "wind water goes turns in circle" (feng1 shui3 lun2 liu2 zhuan4) and hopefully this will be a great start to my uni life (or lack of it).

didn't blog for the past few days out of laziness not business busy-ness. i've been relatively taking things easy this week. just can't get anything done effectively anyway so there's no point pushing myself too hard. somehow, the school holidays (not mine, but the rest of Singapore's) makes me feel like i'm having a break too. weird~. my recess is next week though, but it isn't a "holiday". it's meant for revision and catching up on tutorials and lectures i missed. i should make a list of them and then start slotting them into the days to see if i even have enough time in the first place. after the recess it'll be CAs, CAs and more CAs. what a life~!

ok, off to play some CT...then i think i'm going to sleep. it's gonna be a long (slacky) day tomorrow...wooohooo~

drove down to PS today with 'ron and 'son for dinner. we had pastamania...all 3 of us ordered exactly the same thing -- ocean baked pasta. haha...combo A. wow...it was a nice meal. just ate ate and ate...pretty full by the end of it.

after that we went to walk around. stopped at the shop selling the funny car signs thingy thing and i bought some stuff. 2 new car signs for myself one "=)" and one "oops!" haha...i'm bought 2 cos i couldn't decide which one i wanted to put. so decided on both. now i have one on each of the side windows of the car. wonder if i'm going to get scolded for them...ah whatever i bought liao.

then we continued to walk around...stopped outside the cinema...wanted to watch a movie. but in the end we didn't cos of budget problems. then we went to the toilets in search of 'the maid' the poster or whatever, but we didn't find anything -- guess they must have removed it.

ended up in the arcade instead. our arcade session turned out to be unexpectedly long. $2 could last like 1.5 hours? oh gosh...i just played puzzle fighter and crisis zone while i think they played die-hard...woah not bad, worth the money today.

we left PS at 10:45 and felt hungry (totally no idea how/why)...and went to jalan kayu for prata which was along the way from sending 'ron home. had mutton soup and prata. not bad but i still prefer the one outside my place. yummys. by the time we were done it was almost 12. seesh. so i dropped 'ron off at his house then came back.

to think i was SUPPOSED to be studying for monday's test. argh. fustration fustration...yet what can i do? oh and have i mentioned, i have another test on friday too...bah!

i really like this lyrics. i heard the song on one of the days while i was driving home from PS and it hit me. haha...the lyrics is really nice. the tune's happier than what i've been listening to previously...oh wells, switchfoot has always been a great band...so not surprising they come up with this nice lyrics...

Switchfoot - Stars
Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same
I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

Chorus:
I've been thinking 'bout everyone
Everyone, you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars,
the stars I feel like myself
Stars looking at a planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how
The chaos in our lives could pass as sane
Ive been thinking about the meaning of resistance
Of a world beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Began to look like home

Chorus:
I've been thinking 'bout everyone
everyone, you look so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars,
the stars I feel like myself

Everyone everyone you feel so lonely
Everyone, yeah, everyone you feel so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
I feel like myself when I look at the stars,
the starsI see someone...

i need to remind myself that there are tests next week. i can't seem to get my brain to function properly. at this rate, i can be pretty sure i'll just end up screwing my life up which i shouldn't be doing.

sighs. can't fix my eyes on my goal. too many distractions along the way. it's quite disheartening when i can't understand a single thing said in lectures cos i did not take bio and chemistry at A-levels. and what's worse is that i took those 2 subjects as sub-science at the Os. it's like while the prof is talking, i can make out no head or tail of what he's talking about. even if i can, i'm always too slow to figure stuff out.

i get really sad sometimes. though i try not to think about it. yet it comes back to me once in a while...when someone says "oh there's life science test next week..." or "oh, do you understand what he (that prof) just said..." or "wah what we're learning in life science lecture is so easy" woah, sometimes it sucks man. just feel real lousy after that.

not like i've got any advantage (even if i do, it's not bare minimal) when it comes to mathematics, physics or econs. common man, those overseas scholars are unbelievable. i do ask myself how will i ever make it at this rate? don't even talk about post-grad studies...i'm struggling to even cope with my core...start minor next sem? i have my doubts. maybe i should just spend less time on 'some other' stuff.

no wonder i've been adviced to be a full-time mugger. but i can't...there's this temptation to, but i can't. i can't even stand the people around me who are...so how can i? i'm so scared that i won't be able to answer to everyone (including myself)...lately, i look at myself and i doubt...probably the difficulty of this life is starting to get to me. well, at least it's been half the sem...so probably about time that i start feeling demoralised. i need some inspiration...someone to listen to me complain. but never been good in talking or describing what i think.

sad stuff aside, i'm really glad that my main tutorial group is actually quite fun-loving and yet they come down and be serious when it comes to studying. from one perspective, that's competition...yet from another, at least my class has the 'fun' side. although there seems to be this dominant group forming (which i'm not in) and they are the people who make all the noise and have all the fun, there's always the 'side' group who are always open to me. i believe to my main tutorial group, i am like a ghost...appear when there's tutorial and the disappear when it's over. i don't even sit with them in LTs. i do feel bad sometimes.

i was sitting beside 'angmoh' kid in tutorial today. he's a nice guy...kept lending me notes cos i totally didn't know how to do my maths tutorial (see what i mean...) and he really patiently answered my questions. i think i kind of distracted him from listening to the tutor. anyways, i helped him with econs later. don't think i was of much help cos my explanation wasn't that clear, but i think it helped to some extent...hopefully this will develop into a good alliance.

after school i went over to 'ron's place to fetch him to SG where we had dinner. the place was quite deserted today...which isn't exactly a bad thing you know? we could make a big scene without anyone noticing us. haha...i had fish & chips with root beer float. nice~. actually i kinda wanted the nasi goreng but ended up eating something else...problem with not being able to make up my mind...problem with having too much nice food to choose from.

after dinner we went over to the 'arcade' (that was literally "pathetic") to play some games. i think 50 cents for those games isn't worth it, but i found loose change in my pocket so just played a couple. kind of like to de-stress and kill time - cos i was waiting for 'son and 'ron to finish up (yes, they were playing too).

you know, it's really weird. how i always have so much to blog about before i blog...then when i get home and actually come in front of my com, i seem to not have anything to say. wonder wassup with that...

i really like this song...it's not like me. but what am i like to begin with?

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be
feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd
begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's
mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over
but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched
my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And
love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've
kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your
bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to
you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You
have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break
my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember
me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you
smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your
child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know
mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear
that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my
friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I
still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my
soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye
my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so
hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

hello. i guess i'm happier. cos of something happening next week. heh wonder what?...and i have more or less decided that i shall not dwell too much into detail of my academic persuits (and that of others) here...cos it'll make me feel real miserable when i visit my own blog.

let's recap. on wednesday i fetched jh to school and we (me, jh and hf) went to ikea after lessons. had MEATBALLS. finally i found fellow meatball fans. quite fun. we had 30 meatballs flooded with sauce (by request of jh). yummy. after that we went to queensway to look at stuff cos there was supposed to be a sale. but nope, i didn't see anything. after that i fetched jh all the way home before going home myself (and they said oil prices were rising).

thursday - yesterday (or today, since i haven't slept yet) school ended at 4:30. somehow i had this impression in my mind that it was gonna end at 2:30 and i would have all the time in the world to go on my quest for something (super last minute shopping for something). then when i reached AMK central at 5pm i was wondering where my 2 hours went. seesh. something's wrong with me. anyways, instead of buying the thing i was supposed to buy, i ended up buying a new nike dry-fit shirt for myself cos it was on sale. let's look at it this way, at least i didn't waste my parking coupon at the carpark.

tomorrow will be a late day. where i can wake up late (but still i may just oversleep)...then i'm going home, put my stuff down, relax for a while and meeting 'ron for dinner at gardens. i like this freedom i'm having. the whole house to myself. yeah.