you know when things really suck? when no one knows they do. i think that's when things are the suckiest.

for example...i can complain and complain about how sickeningly terrible my life is, that just means it's bad. but it's usually the things i don't mention that bother me the most. maybe it's the very fact that i don't talk about these stuff that makes it worse. but i don't think it is. it's more like even if i were to say, people probably won't understand or misinterpret.

and now it's worse because i rarely get to talk to people i can talk to. so, the solution? i talk to myself. am i going insane? perhaps. emo as it may sound, i still realise i don't know a few of the people that i thought i knew but i shouldn't be that surprised since i realise i don't even know myself.

i need to take a break. people tire me. i tire myself. but i don't have the luxury of time.
to put it short...心情不好, 没人知道.

million dollar question: will i die this recess?

i have to:
catch up on 4 modules worth of work (estimate around 30 tutorials worth of stuff)
do massage chair sizing and calculations (no clue? neither have i)
facilitate for my audio module project (blind leading the blind)
study for music theory


if you guys don't see me anymore when this recess ends, i would have probably jumped into some sea somewhere.

i think today's test was ok. i think many many people will beg to differ but heck, it was ok. if only i studied a bit harder i would have got something near full marks. oh well i never expected derivations needed to be studied. kind of wasted but there's no one i can blame but myself.

today was probably the most tiring thursday i've had since school started. i'm going to sleep soon. ooh then again. i see someone online going to talk to him - my ex-bandmate mr alex...haha

so that's the week for me. at least it wasn't that bad. i'm so glad the sick sick massage chair presentation is all over and i won't be bothering about it for a while. now all i need to do is just mug for next week's test and i'm all set.

recess is coming. and when it does, i hope i will successfully disappear into nothingness to prepare for the sick sick sick hectic life i'm going to lead after that all the way to the end of the semester.

anyway it's good to know my music-reading speed still impresses people. but i can say that i'm sure my standard compared with 1/2 a year ago has definitely dropped. but hopefully things will pick up soon.

i just need to get somewhere.

i don't know how to get there.

1 - i don't like my project topic.
2 - i don't like the way my group does things.
3 - i'm very tired.

please note 2. i do not like the way my group does things and it's not i do not like my group.

anyway school stuff aside, i think i'm losing my friends.

this is only year 3, it's not final year. some of the people are graduating this year. then after they / i / we graduate i believe things will only get worse. not all will stay in Singapore and everyone will be under the regimental work system crap working 9 am to 5 pm or longer.

if this is the life that awaits, i wonder what's the point. whatever it is, if i disappear off the face of the earth, i believe it may be possible that no one will notice.

it's amazing (at least to me) how even a primate can be recognised for what she has done for singapore and yet, some of the humans live such insignificant lives. so what do people live for exactly? and if we just go out only to be stuck in the crappy system that holds everyone down then it'll probably be the case.

it's just such a depressing thought. and so we shall see. but then again, the term significance of the term 'significant' varies from person to person.


Gone - Switchfoot

She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what’s going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she’s living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upsidedown
Don’t say so long in the cellphone
Don’t spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like your immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where your treasure, where’s your hope
Forget the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal
Don’t say so long
Your not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today till soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like sumemr break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just trying to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanant
Nothing is immediate
We’re so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at how dark it is

Gone, like frank sinatra
Like elvis and his mom
Like al pichino’s cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our conveinent lexus cages

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who’s not short of cash
Hey bono I’m glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living

CNY this year was ok i guess. i kind of expected too much to start with. but by usual standards it was good. talked to more relatives than previous years, i expected to get many many solutions from relatives regarding what i should do next. but it's not a free for all thing i guess, after all CNY isn't a time to talk about work. special mention to auntie Y. Sze for the ego-boosting compliment. heh.

i know my family (extended and all) is something that i should be really thankful for, because almost all of them almost always accept me for whoever i am and even when they don't they pretend* to. there are people i should not be meeting only once a year. and the anger or falling outs never last because ultimately somehow the differences will be put aside.

i'm tired. have been for a while. at varying magnitudes but still tired. and in addition, it's like i want to do so many things on top of what i'm supposed to.

ROXANNE!!!
and the crowd sang like they never sang before.

haha...yesterday's Police concert really ROCKED. it was probably the one and only time The Police will ever play here. and most will probably think i'm insane or i quote nat "wah happening ah" because i have attended 2 concerts in the span of less than a week. but hell...they were great and it was worth every single second of it. after the concert, i literally suffer from hangovers.

every single one of them is solid.
sting has fantastic vocal capability and i have always been amazed at his co-ordination skills because he can play bass (lines) and sing simultaneously. andy summers so fantastic with his apple red strat, could see a few battle scars on the thing...but then again, compared with sting's piece of wood, it looked really new and nice. well, the guy plays nice solos with jazz scales other more normal scales. steward copland's drumming is in a class of it's own. he drums like his drumsticks are a part of him. it's like flawless, smooth, instinctive motion. i was so blown away.

argh if only U2 would come. but if once i have the ability i will fly out to see them wherever they perform.

ok so now the next concert is still pending. haven't decided if i will go. santana anyone?

in the meantime, it's time to stand by for chinese new year.

This is Your Life - Switchfoot

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be

And you had everything to lose


Dare You to Move - Swtichfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be


Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

who writes lyrics like this these days? beyond words man.

why do people enjoy playing at such high volumes? perhaps it is because when you play loud, you feel the power...the feeling of being in control so much so that EVERYONE has to listen to you (and your band) play.

good music and loud music are two entirely different things. good music need not be loud and loud music need not be good. but of course, when in practice i guess many forget upon being give the opportunity to blast it...it's like...why not? i can make the whole world hear me.

for example...the latest switchfoot concert and clapton's concert they wasn't loud. at all. it was just right - a comfortable sound level to listen to. so much so that when i went out of the performance area, my ears weren't ringing and it felt normal (i.e. like it usually is when i hadn't watch any concert). but today...it was abso-freaking-lutely LOUD. i mean...i could push the fader all the way up, and the gain to 6. and it still wasn't enough for these people. the guitars were just blasting...over everything. and believe me, i have an incredibly high audio threshold. and i'm telling you, it was LOUD. loud enough for me to walk away.

even when i myself am the one playing, it's like there's NO NEED to blast it to those levels. if it's comfortable to listen to, people may just stay to listen longer. if you're a very good band but play so loud that it's unbearable to listen to, even if you're the best band in the world, it wouldn't matter. please my fellow musicians...spare everyone's ears esp your own.

oh yeah...maybe it's just a coincidence...i'm not sure at all. but from my observations, some local bands at concert tend to push the volume higher than necessary. oh well then again. i'm no pro.