i need to remind myself that there are tests next week. i can't seem to get my brain to function properly. at this rate, i can be pretty sure i'll just end up screwing my life up which i shouldn't be doing.

sighs. can't fix my eyes on my goal. too many distractions along the way. it's quite disheartening when i can't understand a single thing said in lectures cos i did not take bio and chemistry at A-levels. and what's worse is that i took those 2 subjects as sub-science at the Os. it's like while the prof is talking, i can make out no head or tail of what he's talking about. even if i can, i'm always too slow to figure stuff out.

i get really sad sometimes. though i try not to think about it. yet it comes back to me once in a while...when someone says "oh there's life science test next week..." or "oh, do you understand what he (that prof) just said..." or "wah what we're learning in life science lecture is so easy" woah, sometimes it sucks man. just feel real lousy after that.

not like i've got any advantage (even if i do, it's not bare minimal) when it comes to mathematics, physics or econs. common man, those overseas scholars are unbelievable. i do ask myself how will i ever make it at this rate? don't even talk about post-grad studies...i'm struggling to even cope with my core...start minor next sem? i have my doubts. maybe i should just spend less time on 'some other' stuff.

no wonder i've been adviced to be a full-time mugger. but i can't...there's this temptation to, but i can't. i can't even stand the people around me who are...so how can i? i'm so scared that i won't be able to answer to everyone (including myself)...lately, i look at myself and i doubt...probably the difficulty of this life is starting to get to me. well, at least it's been half the sem...so probably about time that i start feeling demoralised. i need some inspiration...someone to listen to me complain. but never been good in talking or describing what i think.

sad stuff aside, i'm really glad that my main tutorial group is actually quite fun-loving and yet they come down and be serious when it comes to studying. from one perspective, that's competition...yet from another, at least my class has the 'fun' side. although there seems to be this dominant group forming (which i'm not in) and they are the people who make all the noise and have all the fun, there's always the 'side' group who are always open to me. i believe to my main tutorial group, i am like a ghost...appear when there's tutorial and the disappear when it's over. i don't even sit with them in LTs. i do feel bad sometimes.

i was sitting beside 'angmoh' kid in tutorial today. he's a nice guy...kept lending me notes cos i totally didn't know how to do my maths tutorial (see what i mean...) and he really patiently answered my questions. i think i kind of distracted him from listening to the tutor. anyways, i helped him with econs later. don't think i was of much help cos my explanation wasn't that clear, but i think it helped to some extent...hopefully this will develop into a good alliance.

after school i went over to 'ron's place to fetch him to SG where we had dinner. the place was quite deserted today...which isn't exactly a bad thing you know? we could make a big scene without anyone noticing us. haha...i had fish & chips with root beer float. nice~. actually i kinda wanted the nasi goreng but ended up eating something else...problem with not being able to make up my mind...problem with having too much nice food to choose from.

after dinner we went over to the 'arcade' (that was literally "pathetic") to play some games. i think 50 cents for those games isn't worth it, but i found loose change in my pocket so just played a couple. kind of like to de-stress and kill time - cos i was waiting for 'son and 'ron to finish up (yes, they were playing too).

you know, it's really weird. how i always have so much to blog about before i blog...then when i get home and actually come in front of my com, i seem to not have anything to say. wonder wassup with that...

i really like this song...it's not like me. but what am i like to begin with?

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be
feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd
begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's
mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over
but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched
my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And
love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've
kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your
bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to
you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You
have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break
my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember
me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you
smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your
child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know
mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear
that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my
friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I
still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my
soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye
my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so
hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.