you know, i don't know if i should be happy. so far it's happened a couple of times since this part of my education life (or lack of it) started...everytime i start to feel VERY demoralised, the feeling never lasts cos i'll be greeted with the last test/quiz i took in which i didn't do as bad as i imagined. the renewed hope really does help...
like today...my maths (esp integration) has always been hopeless (something i never fail to readily admit) and it's really been a crap-filled week given that i couldn't do a single qestion in my tutorials - wonder if anyone even experiences this anymore it feels TERRIBLE. last week, when i did the maths quiz, i just sat back, relaxed and tried whatever i could (no expectations, just tried everything i could) and it paid off. probably teaches me how i should not overly push myself, just try my best (but this has yet been completely tested and proven). and today i was shown my A-. i never dreamt that i would see this grade for MATHS. it's been a REALLY long time trust me...probably since primary school.
and the constant thought popping into my brain is has what msT and a few others said to me a couple of years ago really came true? that uni would be the part of my life that i would eventually peak. cos it suits my style of learning. i still have my doubts cos honestly, i haven't been mugging THAT hard (or motivated to mug that hard)...in fact i can watch more hours of TV than study each day...on somedays i don't even look at my work. it simply just isn't me...call me naturally lazy i guess.
anyways i sincerely hope she's right...and that next year, i can get good enough grades to go for an exchange program in the States, and maybe even at the end of this 4 years, MIT will greet my with open doors...a $100 000-scholarship is something i would never have dreamt about before and now, i still don't have the courage to cos i'm afraid of the disappointment that might come but it stands in my mind as a possibility unlike in the past where the probablity of that chance = 0. (like in sec2, that was what i thought about taking 3 pure?) hopefully the good stuff i see now is a result of me doing something right rather than luck (or other things along those lines) and this motivation would last me thru this part of my life. of course i definitely hope msT and the rest were right.
i still hold my doubts for the exams coming up...esp maths where i really have limited confidence. maybe the will to try will help me though i haven't exactly started trying. wonder what stunt i'm going to pull over this 4 days before the exams officially start.
and one more thing i surely must say is about my tutorial group. B12 has been SO helpful to me no one can imagine. i've never met people so nice in my life. every little problem i have they'll solve for me so enthusiastically. sometimes i even feel bad they have to help me so much cos i wonder if i've even tried that hard in the first place. and i must also mention GOLDBAR who even thought probably doesn't know me...woah he really gave me that shot of confidence and made me realise it's possible. i really respect his philosophy behind teaching...regardless of whether i make it or not, i'm really thankful to these people.
sigh...now just gotta focus on the target ahead and look forward to our TG outing on the 25th. but first, CSI starts at 3am so...yeah...going off now.
like today...my maths (esp integration) has always been hopeless (something i never fail to readily admit) and it's really been a crap-filled week given that i couldn't do a single qestion in my tutorials - wonder if anyone even experiences this anymore it feels TERRIBLE. last week, when i did the maths quiz, i just sat back, relaxed and tried whatever i could (no expectations, just tried everything i could) and it paid off. probably teaches me how i should not overly push myself, just try my best (but this has yet been completely tested and proven). and today i was shown my A-. i never dreamt that i would see this grade for MATHS. it's been a REALLY long time trust me...probably since primary school.
and the constant thought popping into my brain is has what msT and a few others said to me a couple of years ago really came true? that uni would be the part of my life that i would eventually peak. cos it suits my style of learning. i still have my doubts cos honestly, i haven't been mugging THAT hard (or motivated to mug that hard)...in fact i can watch more hours of TV than study each day...on somedays i don't even look at my work. it simply just isn't me...call me naturally lazy i guess.
anyways i sincerely hope she's right...and that next year, i can get good enough grades to go for an exchange program in the States, and maybe even at the end of this 4 years, MIT will greet my with open doors...a $100 000-scholarship is something i would never have dreamt about before and now, i still don't have the courage to cos i'm afraid of the disappointment that might come but it stands in my mind as a possibility unlike in the past where the probablity of that chance = 0. (like in sec2, that was what i thought about taking 3 pure?) hopefully the good stuff i see now is a result of me doing something right rather than luck (or other things along those lines) and this motivation would last me thru this part of my life. of course i definitely hope msT and the rest were right.
i still hold my doubts for the exams coming up...esp maths where i really have limited confidence. maybe the will to try will help me though i haven't exactly started trying. wonder what stunt i'm going to pull over this 4 days before the exams officially start.
and one more thing i surely must say is about my tutorial group. B12 has been SO helpful to me no one can imagine. i've never met people so nice in my life. every little problem i have they'll solve for me so enthusiastically. sometimes i even feel bad they have to help me so much cos i wonder if i've even tried that hard in the first place. and i must also mention GOLDBAR who even thought probably doesn't know me...woah he really gave me that shot of confidence and made me realise it's possible. i really respect his philosophy behind teaching...regardless of whether i make it or not, i'm really thankful to these people.
sigh...now just gotta focus on the target ahead and look forward to our TG outing on the 25th. but first, CSI starts at 3am so...yeah...going off now.
Beneath the noise, below the din,
I hear your voice, it's whispering,
in science and in medicine,
I was a stranger, you took me in...
posted by Jac. at 2:55:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home