i used to think out of the few U2 concerts i've watched that i didn't like Elevation in Boston as much as the rest. i thought the band was stifled in terms of spirit and emotion. but recently when i watched it again, i was having second thoughts...i found it to be the more sincere and personal concert, esp compared to Popmart Mexico. not that Popmart wasn't good...it was smashing, but in terms of being personal and infusing some part of themselves into the music, i think elevation was better. Popmart was a SHOW...nice lights, great sound...you know...

and that's not the only thing i've been re-thinking. yesterday was hell for me...i shall not say more. i know something has changed, but i don't know what. i did go to TP in the hopes of seeing someone i could talk to, but i didn't...anyhow it doesn't matter now.

at last week's NAC interview, i already knew i wasn't getting anywhere. if i wanted the job, it'd be for all the wrong reasons anyway. but it does feel weird to be rejected for a job that could well be in my region of speciality. then again, do i even have one?

the thought i've been having the most of...well, it's how people are viewing me. it probably wouldn't make a difference to what i do but it's more of i'm just curious. since the holidays started, many people have been asking me if i'm going to be working or currently working. NOT ALL, but some of them ask with some tone in their voice that suggests something i really do not like. but heck, i decided i deserve this holiday. i don't care about what you think so there...

just probably a rough patch i guess, it should be over soon i hope. i need a cruise out to the deep blue sea. yeah.